


Forsaking What We've Fallen For

by Arisprite



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bertholdt doesn't know what is happening and it's very upsetting for everyone, Dissociation, Gen, Guilt and Crying, Poor Marco is mentioned, Reiner's poor brain, Spoilers for Chapt 77
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 17:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5711302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisprite/pseuds/Arisprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Contains Spoilers for Chapter 77</p>
<p>Reiner doesn't understand what Bertholdt is asking him. </p>
<p>After what they did, Reiner's mind didn't snap back to normal. Annie went on to the Military Police. Left alone, Bertholdt copes, with difficulty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forsaking What We've Fallen For

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Katie's dumb drawings that made me so sad. Love ya sis.

The bunk below Reiner was empty when he woke up, in the still dark of the far early morning. Bertholdt wasn’t sleeping down there, in some contorted position, like he usually was. It was weird, to see him missing, as Bertholdt wasn’t one to run off. Reiner frowned down at the empty space, and rolled off his bunk, careful not to disturb Connie, or Jean as he snuck out of the newest survey corps member’s barracks. 

They’d arrived at this place a few days ago, with the rest of the Survey Corps, all the way up to the commander. Eren got here first, with some strange string of events that Reiner could barely think about without his brain hurting, and then the rest of them that joined followed him. He still wanted to puff his chest out with pride that he’d joined, where he’d meant to. Now he could serve humanity, and take back his hometown from the titans. 

Yawning a bit, and rubbing a slight headache, Reiner slipped his boots on, noting that Bertl’s were missing, and moved out of the dorms. Now, where could he be? 

Reiner wandered for a bit, before he made it out to the stables. There, the horses were softly breathing, or nickering, but he thought he heard a human voice. 

Or maybe more like a choke, like someone was trying to catch their breath. 

Feeling a sudden alarm, Reiner stepped into the darker interior, and found who he was looking foor, sitting in a patch of moonlight in the back of the stables. Bertholdt was curled up, with his knees close to his face, and his hands pressed hard to his mouth. He was crying. 

“Wha-?” Reiner half reached out, while Bertl startled, sucking in a wet breath. 

“Reiner!” Bertholdt said, thick with tears. He began rubbing his face, frantically. “What are you-? I’m fi-” 

Reiner went to his knees in front of Bertholdt, putting his hand on his forearm. 

“What’s the matter?” he asked, and Bertholdt looked back and forth, Reiner supposed to see if anyone else was around. Then, he breathed out heavily, shakily, like he’d decided something. 

“...I’m scared, Reiner,” he said, and Reiner frowned. 

“You don’t have to be scared, Bertl. You know that I’ll be out there with you,” Reiner said, trying to reassure. Bertholdt huffed out, and the noise actually scared Reiner more. 

“Will you?” he asked, and there was desperation in his voice. “Reiner, what happened to Marco?” 

“That won’t happen to you,” Reiner promised, knowing he couldn’t make that promise, but doing it anyway. But, Bertholdt waved his hand. 

“No, Reiner. What _happened_ to him?” 

Reiner was frowning now. “He died. A titan… well, you saw.” 

Bertholdt nodded, fervently. “I did see. You did too, and Annie. Please, Reiner, you have to remember!” 

“Remember what?” Reiner said, as he recalled all he cared to about when they’d found Marco. Jean had found him first. It had been a blow to all of them, losing so many from their corps, but especially Marco, whom many of them had grown close to. 

Bertholdt moved forward, grabbing Reiner’s shirt sleeves. “Remember-” he broke off and looked around. “Remember that we killed him, Reiner! Remember that we’re _not_ like the others, that we can change. We came from somewhere else-” 

“Bertholdt!” Reiner gripped his hands back, matching the ferocity that was terrifying him. “What are you saying? We didn’t kill anyone, Bertl. You didn’t. It’s not your fault!” 

It was like he said the opposite. Bertholdt’s face crumpled, and his tears returned, great heaving sobs that shook his hands on Reiner’s sleeves. He trembled in front of him, and Reiner didn’t know what to do, except pull him in and squeeze him tight, pushing his gasps into his shoulder. 

“Sh sh,” he tried, but it wasn’t really helping. 

“Reiner,” Bertholdt said, brokenly. “Don’t do this, don’t leave me here alone…” 

“I won’t, I won’t, I promise,” Reiner said, hugging him tighter. His promise didn’t seem to help, and Bertholdt continued to cry. He shuddered against him, sound broken, and god help him, Reiner didn’t know what to do. 

“Bertl, you’re scaring me,” Reiner said. Was this just grief, lingering shock from a few days ago? “Bertl, please, calm down!” 

Bertholdt gasped, and pulled back to look at him, a wildness coming into his eyes. He gripped Reiner’s arms, staring into his face. 

“You _really_ think you’re just a soldier! Reiner, how do you not know where we’ve come from? What we did? Don’t you remember that we’re _warriors_?” 

Reiner frowned, and nodded. “Of course I remember that, but don’t go yelling it around,” he said, blinking back another headache. He lowered his voice, cold regret filling him. “You remember what happened when Marco found out.” 

Bertholdt froze, staring at him, before he collapsed forward, and fell against Reiner’s shirt. 

“Oh my god, Reiner!” he gasped, sobbing again. “You’ve come out of it!” 

“What?” Reiner had no idea what he was talking about, but Bertholdt needed to get a hold of himself. “Hey, calm down.” 

“You haven’t been yourself for days,” Bertholdt said, “I- I thought-” 

“Hey, just stop, okay.” Bertholdt took his shoulders, and pulled him back, looking at his broken face, tears glistening in the dim light. “I’m fine, I’m right here.” 

“Reiner,” he whimpered, new tears falling. “What was happening to you?” 

Reiner’s head pounded. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you need to stop this, and come back to bed. You’ll make yourself sick.” 

Bertholdt rubbed his arm across his face, pulling back enough that Reiner didn’t feel like he was supporting the other boy. 

“I won’t get sick,” he murmured, sniffling hard. 

“That’s right,” Reiner said, standing and pulling him upright. “Because, I take such good care of you.” 

Bertholdt looked at him, worry marring his brow. 

“No, I _won’t_ get sick.” He said it like it was test question, but Reiner had no clue of what class he thought this was. 

“You’re only human, Bertl, you have to take care of yourself,” Reiner said, and to his confusion, Bertholdt’s face crumbled again. He turned away, face towards the ground. 

“I’m going to stay here a while longer, Reiner,” he said, voice thin. “Go back to bed.” 

Reiner stepped forward, because no way was he leaving him here, not with his voice wobbly with tears, but Bertholdt shrank back. 

“Leave me alone!” 

Startled, blinking at him, because Bertholdt had never yelled at him. 

“Bert-” 

But Bertholdt had collapsed back to his knees, holding himself around the middle and hiding his face against his legs. Reiner didn’t know what to do, what to say. 

“Please,” Bertholdt said, muffled by hay and by his knees. “Just go.” 

Reiner stepped backwards, feeling his stomach go taut with worry. Bertholdt didn’t look up, and Reiner had sudden, world reeling feeling that there wasn’t anything he could do to comfort him. He was useless to Bertholdt, and that hadn’t happened in his memory. But, his head pounded to think of the past, and his vision was blurring. Clenching fists around trembles, Reiner turned and fled.


End file.
